it's just how i'm feeling.

you know i love you.
i always have.
yet you led me on to think you loved me too.
and my heart shattered like glass.
but i still had hope.
hope, that one day you'd see the hurt you'd caused.
and try to resolve it.
i thought you did.
i thought we were well on the way to something.
and as soon as i was drowning in your beauty.
you admitted something.
you admitted you loved the girl that loathes me.
the girl that is so thin.
so pretty.
so modelesque.
completley my opposite.
and yet again, my heart was broken.
pulverised.
dismembered.
mutilated.
ruptured.
chewed up and spat out.
like it meant nothing.
and that i was simply worthless.
i tried to change.
i even stopped eating.
so that you'd think the new me was more sexy.
more attractive.
more slender.
more beautiful.
more than anything i could ever be.
but deep down i knew it wouldn't work.
because i'll never be her.
i'll never be perfect in your eyes.
i'll never be the one you stare at when she walks past.
i'll never be the one who's endless conversations leave your head spinning.
i'll never be the one you can't figure out.
i'll only ever be the one you ignore.
we don't speak now.
and it kills me to think of what could have been.
and the worst part is,
i still love you.