you're all i can see.

okay, so i had a really creepy/awesome dream last night... so seeing as my friends, Em and Jen sometimes record their dreams on their blogs, i thought i would too...

so, my parents (in the dream my mum and dad were together) had taken me to London, and I'd asked them if we could go to Camden.

So we did, and parents being parents, they didn't want to explore Camden, so they went off somewhere and asked me to meet them in a few hours.

Then, I came across this old music shop ( i think it was) and guess who I saw?? GRAHAM COXON!!!! :D

I approached him and told him I was a huge fan. Then he said that i was really pretty (something like that) and he took my hand... we walked back to his house and once we were there we talked for a bit (we were on his sofa, i'm pretty sure) and then in mid sentence he just kissed me!! um, next thing i remember we were in his bedroom and well, we kissed some more... and then well, stuff happened... you know what i mean... :L :$

the rest was a blur (pun intended, yet not intended)

but i remember that i told him ''shit, i've gotta meet my parents now, i had a great time, call me''

it makes me sound like a total slut, and makes him sound like a paedo, lmfao!

it's not the same, you're going to tell me that i'm right? you're going to come back down and find yourself where you are again.

TwoDoorCinemaClub ^^^^^^

lyric: eat that up, it's good for you - Two Door Cinema Club.

i was thinking about blogging this whilst walking home, so here it is.

it rained today,
which brought my mood down even more,
seeing as I'd just had ICT
and had to sit next to Ciaran, the guy i write about.
I'm so angry at him!
He's so up his own arse,
it's unbelievable.
But, my iPod was there to cheer me up on the way home,
I was listening to Two Door Cinema Club,
who are an amazing band (Y)
whilst having a mini rave in my head.
Then, I went for coffee at this little place called
'XVII', it's sooooo cute!
but so expensive!
My mood was then completely lifted,
when my mum said we're possibly going to NORWAY for christmas!!!
and I'll be doing 6th form work experince in AMERICA!!!!!! :D

life is good again. (:

i realized you love yourself more than you could ever love me.

the lyric is from taylor swift's song; picture to burn.

'to be honest
i don't know why
i even bothered.
you call me things
to your friends,
and act so nice
to my face.
so i'm fat?
really?
well it's nice to know
your opininon,
but i really don't care
anymore.
so, i take back
everything i said
about loving you,
and her?
she can have you.'

take me away from his big bad world+agree to marry me.

oh my, mr. coxon.
you are one fine specimen (;


tbh, the only person
that i'll ever really want
more than anyone else
in this whole wide world
is
Graham Coxon.

i've had a twelve month obsession
with him now
+i just think he's amazing.

he's so talented
so hilarious
and so god damn sexy.

i'm watching footage of him now
on blur's film:
No Distance Left To Run,
and i've never laughed
so much in my life.

which reminds me,
my Graham obsession
started from a blur obsession.
and i'm still obsessed with blur now

basically, my style
is really inspired by him.
everything he does is beautiful.

&i'm sure his song;
'spectacular'
was written about
how i feel
about him.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK9Y8DGh5fg

mini thoughts from a facebook survey,

-If you could go back and do things differently, would you?

of course i would.
everyone would.
nobody's life is perfect.
everybody would want
a second chance at something.
it's just something we rarely get.
because our purpose is,
to fuck up and learn from it

-Does anyone not like you at the moment?
most people tbh

everybody loathes me,
but i don't have
a reason

to be loathed.

-What's something you really regret saying to someone?

quite a lot of stuff tbh.

i regret most of the things i say.
but i'm not gonna
dwell on my mistakes
because the past
is the past
and it can't
be changed

-Are you one of those people who constantly check the time?

no.
time goes by
too fast.
so i'd just be scared

to check it too often.

-Are you afraid of the dark?

nobody can be afraid of the dark.
there is nothing to be afraid of.
such a common misconception.
people are scared of the fact
that they do not know what lies in the darkness,
because you cannot see,
obviously.

-Name something you dislike about the day you're having?

most of it was spent
lying in a heap
on the floor,
crying my eyes out
because of a boy who will never be mine.

-What do you want to do when you grow up?

those who can't do, teach.
and those who can't teach, teach history.
so, a history teacher.

-Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions?

i do.
and i'll usually write
a paragraph about it
in a creative way
with incomplete

sentences.

-Do you wish you had more money?

of course i do.
any working class person wants more money
in the hope it will make them happier,
and once they spend the money,
they want to be back the way they were

''now, kids, remember:

don't buy drugs.

become a rockstar

and you get them for free!'' - Bill Nighy

another one.

as i lay here
heartbroken.
a flood of tears,
a flood of memories
a flood of fears.
how will i go on?
how will i go on
without him,
without
our conversations,
about anything.
our walks,
which left my
head spinning.
but it's not like
you'd ever care
how much you
mean to me,
how much i cry
every night
because you
don't notice the pain

you're putting me through

you may as well
just kill me,
because your actions
are just like a
slow
and
painful
death.

i stole this from my friend, Kaja.

some day you'll cry for me
like i cried for you.

some day you'll miss me
like i missed you.

some day you'll need me
like i needed you.

some day you'll love me
but i won't love you.

we try...

+ though we all try so hard
to make this truth a lie,
we are all carbon copies
forever caught in the rat-race.

a ten second concoction of mine :)

mmm...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRAHAM COXON. MY BABY. <3

i have spotted the most GORGEOUS skirt on the topshop website.
i just need it, so badly.

i've also seen this AMAZE dress in a boutique in my town, there's one left, and it's in a 14; my size!!!!!!! SO HAPPY :) but it's rather expensive, so i have to save.

new issue of NME is out tomorrow, the cover shall go on my feature wall, as always.

it's just how i'm feeling.

you know i love you.
i always have.
yet you led me on to think you loved me too.
and my heart shattered like glass.
but i still had hope.
hope, that one day you'd see the hurt you'd caused.
and try to resolve it.
i thought you did.
i thought we were well on the way to something.
and as soon as i was drowning in your beauty.
you admitted something.
you admitted you loved the girl that loathes me.
the girl that is so thin.
so pretty.
so modelesque.
completley my opposite.
and yet again, my heart was broken.
pulverised.
dismembered.
mutilated.
ruptured.
chewed up and spat out.
like it meant nothing.
and that i was simply worthless.
i tried to change.
i even stopped eating.
so that you'd think the new me was more sexy.
more attractive.
more slender.
more beautiful.
more than anything i could ever be.
but deep down i knew it wouldn't work.
because i'll never be her.
i'll never be perfect in your eyes.
i'll never be the one you stare at when she walks past.
i'll never be the one who's endless conversations leave your head spinning.
i'll never be the one you can't figure out.
i'll only ever be the one you ignore.
we don't speak now.
and it kills me to think of what could have been.
and the worst part is,
i still love you.